Pain < Love or Pain > Love ?

Apollo and Paul entered a certain boutique inside the mall. It was an ordinary day for the two. Paul was more eccentric that Apollo so he went straight to what seems to be a cool jacket with lots of zippers in front and a hood. “I don’t see the point of these zippers.” Paul said. Apollo, for some unknown reason replied “That’s what you want right? Pointless eccentric designs just like the polo you bought last time? (One with the button until near the shoulders like a chef ‘s uniform) “Ang yabang nito.” The smile on Pauls’ face disappeared. They went outside the store . When they arrived, they were walking together, Paul now walks like a zombie, trying hard to keep his feelings to himself. Apollo noticed this and asked him what’s wrong, Paul was just silent. He don’ want to talk yet, as he might say something bad again. They reached the other side of the mall near the salon line and they stopped. Apollo once again asked Paul, and he gave in. “The reason why I’m not talking is I might say something pointless again.” He said that in his calmest tone he can. “It wasn’t you that I was referring to, it was the jacket!? What’s happening to you?! Just because of what I said, you’re gonna be like that!” Paul was just silent, Apollo’s voice was raising more and more. Paul then said, “Sorry,” which Apollo thought sounded sarcastic, but Paul was trying to remind Apollo that he should be asking for an apology since he hurt his feelings. “You’re saying sorry and you don’t mean it!? What’s the point?!” Paul felt like a target in a firing range, bullet by bullet he kept on receiving everything and trying not to feel the pain; it hurts so much but he kept the pain to himself, not wanting to burst and get into an argument.

Silence.

More silence.

“I’ll have my haircut…”

Apollo left and Paul was there, leaning in the railings. First step, second step, third step, he was waiting for Apollo to look back, fourth step, fifth step, still no sign of hesitance. Apollo reached for the door, maybe this time, he’ll look back. No. He entered.

He stood there, waiting, maybe he’ll go out again and wave to me to go.

None.

Paul tried to smile, he did! However, he’s dead inside. It was just in a zombie movie, where a zombie was smiling.

He left.

Time can heal wounds, but the memory is there forever. The pain will go away, but it’ll forever be in your mind. The longer you’re together, the more love you build up, but what happens when your love for each other grows more and more and how great your love is, corresponds to the pain you feel when you’re hurt? Is it worth the pain? If your love is as big as a mountain, overwhelming, wonderful and beautiful… What will you do if that’s also how great the pain you will feel when the time comes? Can you stand the overpowering, vast and tremendous pain it’ll put you through?

Sometimes it takes just one word to overcome that tremendous pain, however, it hurts more that some people doesn't seem to notice that they're already hurting the person who loves them the most.

Dead bored sickening bored.

Dead bored sickening bored.

It’s nearly the end of the month, so we’re slacking big time, but it is to our (or rather my) advantage because for some reason, I suddenly didn’t feel well. My mantra last night before going to work was I’m good, I feel good, and I’ m feeling fine. When I arrived at work, I was wearing 3 jackets! Good thing I’m now better, since it wasn’t that busy at work, I was reading Darren Shan’s Cirque Du Freak Book 10 entitled “THE LAKE OF SOULS.” It gets boring on some of the parts so I was skipping that and went on blog hopping. I realized I need to ‘release” these things in my mind.
Last week was actually filled with dreams, from bizarre ones to again; R-18 dreams (details/story at my vaughndraye site), especially after we watched Inception last Monday, I slept the rest of the day in the office and damn I dreamt about inception!

I was to blog those “interesting” dreams from last week, but I didn’t get the time to, since we went back to Manila for my grandmother’s best friend’s birthday party.
I was walking in a village, I think it was near Umali, with my young students and went inside one of my student’s home. They were doing their project while others were just hanging out, watching television. It felt differently; emotionally, since it felt good- bonding with my students, just a bit younger. It was rather cloudy, but no rain, and a couple of minutes, I saw my old high school friends walking. (*That’s the sign I needed to visit Sheenah.)
There were a few details of several dreams that I already forgot.During the weekend, I filed my LOA for my first semester for my masters. I’ll be returning back to school 2nd semester, since I’ll be on a Friday and Saturday off. I was about to go when this groupies in black screamed at me; my classmates! I asked them,”Sino patay? (Whose dead?)” They gave me a puzzled look,and I gave one too. “You’re all in black!” That’s where they all laughed. They were on their way to eat lunch and invited me to join. I so missed them so much! After their lunch, Andrea one of my two best bud went with me to SM Sta. Mesa to create my 2nd personalized shirt with a label “von draye’ in front. She went back while I went to Cubao to buy a couple of “pasalubongs” at Breadtalk; one of the few stores we don’t have in Los Baños.
I packed my things and went to Buendia bus station, and dozed off; big time! I just woke up when I was near Sheenah’s place already! I went down, screaming and knocking the door for hours, but no answer, good thing I bumped into Shelani; her younger sister who opened the door for me. There were lots of stories, however, it was cut short since I still have to go home with my mom’s sinampalukang manok waiting for me! I was so excited for the baby to come out!
I ate like the usual “me” and went to sleep. I woke up with a smile on my face, since I miss my bed. That was it; we were to visit grandma’s bestfriend, celebrating her 86th birthday. After all the fuss, they dropped me off at the condo and prepared for mass. I was happy to see an old face, and old friend Khalel, and he brought someone with him too! We need to go earlier than the usual since husband has a shift that night, we ate dinner before his shift and made it our “celebration” but changed our minds; we didn’t enjoy eating at Tokyo Tokyo Bistro, since their veggies were just peas, corn and carrots. We gave our goodbye kiss and parted our ways. I went home, took a good night rest and woke up Monday morning.
My plan to work out didn’t push through since I was still dead sleepy around 6am, 7am and 8am! I was waiting for husband to wake up, but since he’s sound asleep, I didn’t bother waking him up. You know? When there’s this goodlooking guy at your bed, sleeping soundly (no snores!), with that angelic face, hugging his pillow, you can’t stop and smile, and you just have to let him sleep. After 2 hours, he woke up and we prepared to go to SM to buy him new shoes. I was about to go to the gym after that, however, we then suddenly planned to watch Inception. It was sooooooooooooooooo good! We went home, prepared and went back to the office to sleep. That’s when I kept on dreaming about Inception.

Yesterday was one of the weirdest schedules we had; going to work at 4am. We were scheduled for a training at 9am to 1pm. When we checked the place, there were no people. We checked with the organizer, it was cancelled. We logged in and worked for less than an hour and went home. I surprised husband since it was not in the plan for me to go home, because my next shift starts at 1am the next day, and the slow mover that I was, I planned to sleep in the office. Good thing I went home and cuddled and slept holding his hands.