Just thinking aloud; me as a "crossdresser"

I just realized a couple of weeks ago.

I can still remember "declining" my friends from MCC to “crossdress” for our annual anniversary. I’m really not comfortable wearing a gown or other ladies or girl clothes, and I believed (Wow! Parang pang Mr. Gay Pageant!) that being gay doesn’t mean that "we" want to become a girl/female; as I further explained to some of my colleagues, being gay (also) means you have certain feelings towards the same sex, without wanting to be the opposite sex. I still want to be a guy, its just; I want guys.

So, wearing girly girl clothes is a no-no for me; that was what I thought.

I was searching for some favorite shirts in my closet and found it; a small sized white shirt with the word “Angel” and a heart design, plus a picture of a guy sitting down with some “emo” writings on it. If I wear it, it becomes a bit of a muscle shirt, since it fits me “perfectly,” and it struck me. I remember declining several times with my friends and old housemates, and I just realized that I’ve been “crossdressing” since 2008ish.

*Picture at that old glorietta gone to dust. I miss that place.

Here’s a picture of my former partner when we bought a shirt with the same design; the salesladies were surprised that we were able to wear it. (*One of my kikoy rule in a relationship is to have a shirt with my then partners with the same design.)

*Taken last December 2010; Christmas party.

Then the same store released a series of white shirts with nifty designs, and they’re selling those for 99php for girls and 150 for guys. I actually tried one and it fits! However, there were a couple of angles when you look at me, that makes me looks gay, but hell, I am one! What differ was I still I “act” manly; achooo! Hehehehe…

Come to think of it, being "slim" is not all that bad, we get to buy "cheaper" lady or girl clothes which is about 50% cheaper than the usual guy shirts you see around

Nothing, just sharing some thoughts.

I dreamt about Tommy

*Wallet size pictures with him. So highschool... girl! Hahaha!!

Flashback

Tommy aka Bryner was one of my ex. He was the one who I met at Galeria when I semi-ran away from home. I was roaming around galleria when he followed me. He was cute and all, but still, I was suspicious.

Later on, he introduced himself as Tommy and the rest was history.

Yesterday, I dreamed about him, he was wearing a black shirt with Gold’s Gym Trainer printed on it. I was with my husband during that time and he was with someone who seems to be his hubby. Kojie was gone and his hubby also left him so it was just us and we were to catch up, but he was on his way to work. I actually left him the last time we saw each other was when he fetched me at school during my college years(FYI; he’s from Tandang Sora) and asked me out. We broke up since he was too immature for me, even if he’s a couple of years older than me. I asked him if he wanted to talk, but he said he’s late for work and left in front of the jeep, and the scene faded away; I woke up.

It was still early.

I went back to sleep, and he was there again. This time, we have the time to talk. He invited me to his place; he was renting a small place in Cubao, near MRT; and it was literally an MRT coach beside a house, he opened the sliding door and went inside. It was cozy and we were talking; I can remember asking him how did he bulked up since he had a lean body before, and this time, he was muscled up! We missed each other so much that we both were happy to see each other. He changed his clothes and stripped naked in front of me. Besides being muscled up, something else got bigger; Whew! I was sitting on the floor and there he was, tall fair, abs, muscles and all. He dressed up and then he asked for a kiss; he was about to but didn’t because there was an old man, probably his grandfather, outside his window checking up on us. He then asked to visit my place and so we agreed. We went outside and went to ride a pair of chairs, facing each other and that moves like those chairs for disabled people; but this one was moving in a very long rail. We were moving and funny, it was quite Cubao-ish environment; without the pollution. I was surprised to see one of my friends from my social-civic org with his “girlfriend.” In no time, we were at the ground floor of what was supposed to be our condominium. We were about to go up, but I woke up; again. This time, I didn’t went back to sleep. It was a couple of minutes before my alarm goes berserk.

Damn, now I missed my ex, he was the sweetest of the them all.

It’s time to use the Secret again.

Casual Conversations, Husband Edition, Laugh Trip at Home

We were about to sleep a while ago when this happened.

The building,for some reason, actually has nice ventilation that i'm still able to use my comforter/ blanket. He was already in bed, and I'm preparing to sleep as well when...

*Vondraye turns the dial on the fan to number 3.

Kojie: I number two mo na lang... (serious tone)(Just switch it to number 2)
Vondraye: 'Di pwede eh, Kelangan 3. (I can't, it needs to be on number 3)
Kojie: (*Already getting upset tone) Baket kelangan 3 pa? ang lakas sa kuryente, malamig naman. (Why does it need to be on number 3? It consumes too much electricity and it's quite cold, so there's no need.)
Vondraye: Kasi, "I love you." (Becuase ,"I love you.")


He literally laughed out and giggled like a highschool girl because of that.

Since we're about to sleep, I might forget "this," so I wrote this and texted it to myself, so here it is guys, some of those little things that keeps us together.