Just thinking aloud; me as a "crossdresser"

I just realized a couple of weeks ago.

I can still remember "declining" my friends from MCC to “crossdress” for our annual anniversary. I’m really not comfortable wearing a gown or other ladies or girl clothes, and I believed (Wow! Parang pang Mr. Gay Pageant!) that being gay doesn’t mean that "we" want to become a girl/female; as I further explained to some of my colleagues, being gay (also) means you have certain feelings towards the same sex, without wanting to be the opposite sex. I still want to be a guy, its just; I want guys.

So, wearing girly girl clothes is a no-no for me; that was what I thought.

I was searching for some favorite shirts in my closet and found it; a small sized white shirt with the word “Angel” and a heart design, plus a picture of a guy sitting down with some “emo” writings on it. If I wear it, it becomes a bit of a muscle shirt, since it fits me “perfectly,” and it struck me. I remember declining several times with my friends and old housemates, and I just realized that I’ve been “crossdressing” since 2008ish.

*Picture at that old glorietta gone to dust. I miss that place.

Here’s a picture of my former partner when we bought a shirt with the same design; the salesladies were surprised that we were able to wear it. (*One of my kikoy rule in a relationship is to have a shirt with my then partners with the same design.)

*Taken last December 2010; Christmas party.

Then the same store released a series of white shirts with nifty designs, and they’re selling those for 99php for girls and 150 for guys. I actually tried one and it fits! However, there were a couple of angles when you look at me, that makes me looks gay, but hell, I am one! What differ was I still I “act” manly; achooo! Hehehehe…

Come to think of it, being "slim" is not all that bad, we get to buy "cheaper" lady or girl clothes which is about 50% cheaper than the usual guy shirts you see around

Nothing, just sharing some thoughts.

Casual Conversations; Holy Week Edition with Husband

Yesterday morning, in celebration of Holy Week, I decided to go home and spend my morning breakfast with husband. We first went to Mercury to buy some loaf of wheat bread for my “penance” this holy week; tuna sandwich diet. We bought a couple of noodles and went home, we enjoyed our noodles and banana cue cooked my our landlady downstairs and watched Naruto.

We were smiling while eating since it felt so homey that day. Breakfast beside each other, watching the latest Naruto Shippuden episode in front of his newly bought 32” LCD TV; it was heaven.

There are times when I brush my teeth, and then eat since after eating, I sleep right away. I know it’s kinda stupid,but I got me doing that years now. Then, I was cuddling him and teasing him and pretend kissing him, then suddenly he laughed; like a kid.

I was curious what made him laugh, was it my newly brushed teeth? something in my face? the smell of fresh breath? I did it again and he giggled like a kid again.

I asked him why and he can’t stop giggling, after a while, he calmed down, still a smile in his face, and said:





“Yung hininga mo amoy tuta naming nung bata kami!”
(Your breath smells like puppies when we were kids!)






I thought it was finished, but wait there’s more!



“Amoy santol! Amoy hininga talaga ng tuta! Awww!! Naalala ko tuloy yung mga tuta namin!”
(Smells like “santol”! Your breath really smells like our childhood puppies! Awww. I miss our puppies.. )

I was like… ... … … OKAY!?















Since we missed each other like that, I didn’t get mad, just gave him a raised eyebrows, and breathe in his nose again. He giggled some more. We finished our food, prepare for bed and went to cuddle some more and went to sleep, as usual , holding hands.

While he was sleeping, I looked at him with an evil eyes, and I told my self; memo to me: blog this tonight.

So here it is.

title-less

It's my first time not to sleep on a weekdaywith work. Well not no-sleep per se since I slept after my OT shift for 2 hours. Then, husband and I went to SM met around 10am to buy some groceries for my "penance;" tuna diet for the week and plastic boxes for the rest of my things to put in.





We're slowly removing "clutters" in our room, one, because the LCDTV is taking too much space and two, so that our move to our new abode is easier. We dismantled my computer and brought the 2 computer tables and one cabinet downstairs, and I thought, no wonder I feel claustrophobic whenever I'm in the room, now we have lots of space, my lips generated a smile, nose generated a feeling of relief, and my eyes not sore anymore. I then teased husband (don't ask how, its way too gross for you) and cornered him near the cabinet, then, from his movements trying to prevent me from getting near; the AVR fell from the top of the cabinet, trying to catch it, he got hurt.



You know how heavy an AVR is, you know how painful it is for the corner to hit your wrist. His facial expression for 3 seconds is enough for me to understand it's very painful. Here's the catch; for some reason, I find his "in pain" facial expressions funny, but this time, it's not.

I felt it; his pain, not physically but emotionally. I hugged him, I apologized, when we parted, I saw tears; its that painful. I asked him to sit down, I massaged it a bit, no more, I massaged it more and more and what hurts more? He told me if I was in his place, I would've walked out, packed my things and won't be speaking for him for a week. Partially true. I grew up in a house of anger, what can I do?

Anyway, while waiting for mom and dad, we laid down and the hum of tha A/C lulled him to sleep while still massaging his wrist. I really felt bad, I hurt the most wonderful person in front of me; and he didn't get mad.

After that, we were both back again, like two child hood sweethearts cuddling like kids. I turned on the water heater for my shower, I ought to stay a little longer in his arms. I tried to fight the urge; can't. I stayed a little longer...

what's better than make up sex? Make-uP SHOPPIng!

Yes, not known to everyone husband and I got into a mini microchip fight last week that forced me not to go home for a whole week, mother-in-law texting me, and most of my friends was worried; of course he was the most.

Anyway, I went back there last Saturday after my brother "kidnapped" me since we have "family emergency reunion"; apparently he just proposed to his 7, or 8-ish year girlfriend and they need to announce that back home at my hometown; Los Baños. Too bad brother's friend at Los banos slipped from his mouth and tsaraaan! Mom already knew about it.

Back to the topic, Last Sunday, after I went to the gym, we attended mass at Greenbelt and then spent the rest of the afternoon;shopping.

I have money handling problem so he serves as my financial adviser; allowance based, deciding on what I can and can't buy. Last Sunday, we were able to do our shopping since it was sale at Glorietta and SM and since there were lots of promotions that time, husband can't stop himself from buying a 32in LCD TV, with free DVD, and since they have a promotion on their Home Theatre System, (7k discount) plus another free DVD; he just have to buy one.

One of the highlight of that day is that he asked to visit Maldita to check some clothes; I'm not a fan of "high end" clothing, rather go to Ukay and get those unique clothes without having to worry that someone out there might actually have the same clothes you have. Anyway, one of the things I check or go through the clothes are those on sale. Apparently, they were selling this big longsleeve for only 250, I could just ask my mom's friend to alter it and presto! It's mine. Oh, I also hunt for those "unusual" designs.

*Not bad for a 250 worth of clothing.

*look at those smiles!

and the rest of the shopping list.

We then watched "The Box" after the tiresome shopping, was still hoping that I bought that pants, but moving on... I'm happy that I didn't encounter pathetic sales persons last night, everybody was well informed and won't kiss ass just to sell.

Then came Monday, was sick. Probably my body got shopping/sale allergy.

taymferst... casual conversations; comment on blog edition

Need a breather from my report, I'm browsing the blogspot dashboard and found Sheenah's new post-Our Baby: Boy or Girl.

If you're too tired, too gay, too sleepy, too lazy, too *tooooot* to click on the link, she basically talks about her baby and betting whether the baby is a boy or a girl from the preggy signs.

She then formulated two names for her baby; Chad Cedric and Danah Louise, if its a boy or a girl respectively.

I just smiled with what I posted on her comment:

ayaw mo ng Phiper? or Leo? (from the hit tv series CHARMED; for the benefit of those who are unfamiliar)
Andrea or Jim?(the Corrs; my favorite band)
Naruto? Sakura? (obviously!)
Kurama? Mikaela? (Sige nga, tingnan natin mga anime freaks kung kilala nila...)
Pikachu? Charmander? (we both love Pokemon!)

hahahaha!!

However, I’d wish its a girl. tapos girl, tapos boy, tapos boy ulit, tapos twins na girl boy, tapos twins na girl girl then twins na boy boy….
i was thinking of quadruplets but im thinking kung pwede lahat ng combinations..
nyahahaha!!!

Of procrastination and of projects; commercial from school mode

I’m still here in the office, an hour after my shift ended. During my shift, I was supposed to do my report since there weren’t too many stuff to do, however, “I” won’t work; with my report I mean. I was trying to do my report but it just paved way to think of ideas what to blog; about my grandmother, about work, etc. I don’t have the”creative” juice to do my report.

My project is actually chapter 1 of a thesis report, our professor just wants us to see if we learned something from the communication theories and models we discussed. Waiting for a laptop, verrrrrrrrrry slow computer at home, and a heated argument with husband doesn’t help at all.

Procrastination was and has been my problem since college, for some reason, even if I try working on my project days, weeks, or even months doesn’t work. My brain will just start “chug-chug chooo chooo” either the day before, hours before, and worse (last week) minutes before the deadline.
After doing the first part, my brain needs a chill, so blog hopped some sites and checked the news. For some reason, my brain needs to be pumped (*grins*) before it works. Now, I’ll get back to my report, will make my brain works smoothly as if I’m working someone in bed.

I-shoes Issues

Them: Pa, please, buy me a new pair of shoes! Mine’s already (just bought last week) old! There are stains already, so I won’t be able to use it anymore! Pa, please! Buy me a new one!
DAD: nods an “NO.”

DAD: Son, please, buy a new pair of shoes, yours is already torn, old and the soles are already saying “hi!,” you shouldn’t be using that anymore! Son please! Buy a new one!
ME: nods a “NO.”

For some reason, I’m not fond of shoes, and I’m not sure if my parents were blessed to have me as their kid, because instead of getting irritated of sons asking their parents to buy them new shoes, my parents (and siblings) actually are the ones getting embarrassed with my shoes.

I like my shoes, the older the better, my feet loves getting used to old shoes. I don’t like the feeling of walking new shoes, and I definitely don’t like the feeling of people looking at my foot because of the new shoes (Haller!? May mukha ako!?)



















My MMK moment was with my sister when she was about to get married and because during that time I love my big titanic-like shoes, but it was old enough to be thrown in the garbage, she said, “Mamili ka, bibili ka ng sapatos o hindi ka pupunta sa kasal ko!” (“You choose, you will buy a new pair of shoes or you will not attend my wedding!”) I love my sister; so my dad and I went to the nearest town mall (Olivarez Plaza) and bought the simplest, most inexpensive leather I-will-only-wear-for-my-sister’s-wedding-shoes.

During high school until college, I maintain at least 2-3 shoes; rubber and leather, other than that, I don’t really think of the need to have more shoes since I don’t care what to wear, as long as I have something to wear, am good.

Another issue I have with shoes is that people tend to envy my shoes; for one, I don’t buy them, they’re all hand me downs of my cousins, and since they’re the one who owns the cool, up to date, fashionable shoes, I get some of their blessings.

However, for some reason, last December, there were a couple of shoes in Girbaud that caught my attention, but since 1)I don’t have the budget, 2)I don’t see the use of the (casual)shoes , I didn’t buy it.

Right now, husband and I get into arguments because of that; he wants me to buy new shoes, but since I don’t have the budget, I don’t. The crocodile pair of leather shoes is already saying “let me rest in peace.”

Not right now, I still have 3 reserved shoes at my rack; the zombie shoes, the titanic shoes, and the rock shoes. Try to imagine why I described those as such.

*images captured from oddee.com

gift giving? is it really the thought that counts?

gift giving? is it really the thought that counts?

yesterday, kojie and i went on to do our Christmas shopping, (being the kuripot guy I am) because of the wednesday 5% discount on a certain mall. A couple of days before, I already made a list just to make sure I will be able to give the people I need to their respective gifts, and two, not to overbuy again(I buy extra couple of things just in case someone suddenly popped out of my mind). We first bought gifts for his loved ones, relatives to be exact. No gift for friends, nor team mates. After an hour, we were able to complete his list. Several gifts for his relatives, while I, went first to a certain toy store who sells "nice" pillows. One of the generic gifts I buy is pillow, cute, cuddly, and just like the mushy text message goes; something you can cry on, and you can cuddle. This year, several people added to my list; my classmates from my masters in graduate school that I got to build friendship with.
Kojie's eyes widened as he was surprised that I bought almost 15 or 20 small pillows. A couple for my team, a couple from my old colleagues, from my ex-housemates, friends from my hometown org, and a couple more here and there. When I was picking on the pillows, i took the liberty of looking at the messages and checking every now and then just to make sure that the right pillow will go to the right person.


in the middle of the big bags, buying gifts, checking the cheapest of them all, i thought...


is it really the thought that counts? after buying some shirts for a couple of higher/more special person in my heart, is it really th thought or the amount?

It struck me, thinking how will they be able to appreciate the gift if they saw that the tag shows an unfamiliar clothing line, and thinks that it was just bought off from a cheap store. How will you measure their appreciation by their thank you's or smiling face, or the "wow" face when you give them their gifts?

A while ago, I was in a coaching session with my team manager; and i got the answer; funny thing is, it came from me.

People who you know, or knows you, not necessarily close to you, sometimes they are aloof with you, but you just don't have to take notice of it.

just give the gift, it'll make you feel better; the feeling of happiness of gift giving, or giving per se. It's up to them if they'll think you as show off, suspicious, plastic or whatever, but you just shouldn't care anymore.

Since basically, that's the spirit of Christmas right? gift Giving.

Or, you can go with the other saying in a song; "give love on Christmas day."



vondraye, just thinking aloud