vondraye: How we buried our mother

It was March 21, Wednesday when I woke up to hundreds of text, missed calls, and FB msgs about mom. I sleep early if it's workweek so when they all tried to contact me, I was dead asleep. My mom was brought to ICU. She had a mild stroke.

I was not really panicking since I don't know these medical terms and stuff they were discussing so I was just updating everyone about me just waking up and all, messages, SMS still keep on pouring in. I have no choice but to come to work since of course, everyone else was on the morning shift and I didn't get permission from them first.

I was not really panicking since I don't know these medical terms and stuff they were discussing with me so I was working, but still praying that she'll be fine. My mind was a bit at lost though as they said mom is under observation. I thought, "Okay, she's being observed, nothing to be worried about." I also thought that for someone that's very healthy and don't have any "sickness," everything should be fine.

Morning came and I asked permission, they did give me permission to go home. The last message I received was that mum was under observation for 3 days. Okay, I thought she will be better in 3 days so I packed my clothes for 3 days over the weekend, and the majority of my clean clothes that time were RED. My cousin booked me the last flight to Manila Thursday evening (March 22) and arrived already in Manila, of course, due to delays, March 23 morning. I rushed to Los Baños, Laguna and straight to LBDH (Los Baños Doctor's Hospital) ICU. It was around 9am when I arrived and good thing it was the time where I can visit mom at the ICU.

I still wasn't panicking since I don't know what's going on and what's happening. It was like in the movies, tv series I watched; the ICU machines, the tubes and all.

I talked to her like in the movies, tv series I watched; I held her hand, stared at her and told her to wake up because I'm there already. I told her to wake up because I look stupid talking to her and she's not replying. I told her to wake up because I'm home and I need to taste her home-cooked sinigang because the one in Cebu doesn't taste sour and as delicious as her cooking. I told her to wake up because there are still lots of things need to be cleaned at home. I told her to wake up because I need to go back to Cebu already and I'm just waiting for her to wake up.

"Mommy (as we fondly call her), gising ka na (wake up already). Andito na ako (I'm here already), pagluluto mo pa ako ng sinigang (You'll still have to cook sinigang for me!)!"

"Mommy, ang dami mo pang lilinisin sa bahay, at kailangan ko na bumalik sa Cebu, hinihintay ko lang na gumising ka, kaya gumising ka na."

I went out and my brother came and together with everyone else, it was timing the doctor gave us an update; my mom's BP is 60/40 and the blood isn't getting pumped that strong enough to make her feel better. Her body is not taking the medicines anymore and they've already given the maximum dose and can't give higher one because there might be complications. I haven't had proper sleep that time so I'm just taking it as it is, however, everyone else were already crying and I'm just like "duh."

We went outside and ate lunch, waited for my niece and nephew and some other relatives, and family friends. In the afternoon, around 6, her heartbeat went down and she went flatline. The doctor was asking us if we wanted to revive her. Everyone agreed and she was revived. They have to cover the tv monitor on the ICU because the doctor said we wouldn't want to see how they do it; they literally look like they are beating my mom.

She was revived. They asked us to sign a waiver and we already have a feeling on what will happen. Around 7:30 pm since everyone were exhausted, tired and weary, we went out to eat and it was rather ironic and peculiar that all other tables were family celebrations because it was graduation, however, for us, our faces were literally like someone died. We all sat down and ordered, and just a few minutes passed, they called my brother over the phone and asked to come over. My sister, sister-in-law and father went with him while me, my niece and nephew were left. My cousin came and delivered the bad news; at 8:05 pm, my mom passed away. I told and forced the two to eat, and just asked for the food to be taken out instead.

We went back to the ICU after and they were already preparing mom's body. My niece and nephew can't stop crying, while I went inside and they allowed me to talk to her one last time. I told her to say hi to my grandmother and aunt who passed away. I told her that when I go back to Cebu, to visit me in my dreams. I was still joking that her hands was still so cold and told her to look after dad, my sister, my niece and nephew and that I will stay for a little bit longer for her. I told my final good bye, good night and may she rest in peace.

March 20, Tuesday
I was told that morning, mom was taking her daily vitamins and problem is, she always takes/drinks several tablets, capsules all at the same time. One of our neighbor, who is also our family friend (Ate Jen) then saw her, calling her, waving her hands frantically saying that she can't breathe. She was alone as my sister went to work, my father was then at Bulacan, taking care of his brother's burial (my uncle) as he recently passed away as well. My niece and nephew were at school at that time. She went to hail a tricycle (our primary mode of transportation at our town) and went to the nearest hospital. Just a minute or two away from the hospital, my mom lost consciousness. She was brought at first at HealthServ Los Baños Medical Center, however, the two ICU's were already occupied. She was then revived at that time already and was transferred to LBDH. Meanwhile, my cousin went back to our home and closed the gate and our doors and tried to contact my sister. My sister was contacted and he was the one who called my father telling him that mom was hospitalized. The doctor said that mom was already in comatose, however, they think that she chocked as there were still some medicines left at the table when they got home.

March 24, Saturday
It was really weird where my mom was not at home; it is now up to us, everyone of us to move around the house, where it was previously her doing everything. One realization was they were trying to find rags and everyone was just looking at each other trying to find someone who knows where they are. It was rather lucky that I grew up going to the market with my mom so I know where to buy stuff - coffee, candies, eggs, paper cups and all. Everyone were able to cry all their tears last Friday that we were all joking already - asking mom to wake up and help around the house, asking my niece and nephew to call mom since she haven't eaten anything yet for days, and telling them that I need new clothes because the clothes I have are all RED.

March 28, Wednesday
since Tuesday night, my best friends-Sheenah and RV, high school classmates and friends stayed until mid-morning to show respect for mom; it was the last day and she will be buried then. Around 7 am, we all prepared and they went earlier since my bestfriend RV still has work that day and needs to go back to Manila. We all wore a white polo shirt with same design bought from a local boutique. It was brought to the church, and my dad, my brother (eldest) and my niece gave their speeches. We then went to the local cemetery where she was buried with my grandmother and great-grandmother.