Monday, August 16, 2010

Death and everything else

Since then, I didn’t have the time, the chance and the “energy” to post a blog entry. After my grandmother died, she took away the internet connection with her (‘Nay, no pun intended; wherever you are right now). My health deteriorated since we have “sleepless” night due to the wake, and there goes my work since I was burning hot literally the day after I went back to work, high with nausea and delirious of high fever.

One of the things I would like to post here, so that when I grow old, I’ll remember to ask myself why, my grandmother, roommate for almost 15 years, who gave my birth name, known to be her favorite; didn’t cry at all. Yes my dear friends, for some reason, I didn’t cry even 1mL of tear, not even a sniff. NADA.

I asked a couple of people around and they concluded that probably, I’ve been prepared since then. Since the time my grandmother stopped helping out in our store, since the time she stopped “arranging” cases of beer and coke (it was one of her favorite hobby,and yes, she's that strong), since the time she’s already making mistakes at giving changes to her customers, and since the time she became bed ridden, and forgot my name. Since then, I was already preparing myself, but I didn’t expect this much preparation. I’m gay, I’m supposed to be one of those who should cry the most, in one eye and all. Even my "maton" cousins were crying!

Anyway, I’m also envious of our family friend, Charmie and brother-in-law Ron since they were given those deathly moments with my grandma; aka paramdam. Charmie was visited in her sleep Sunday night (night before the Tuesday grandma died) telling her “Mamamatay na ‘ko, di mo pa ako binibista!” (I’m dying and you haven’t visited me yet!) While my brother in law(sister’s husband) was on his way home Wednesday midmorning, who was so sleepy frmo driving, decided to take a quick nap at a gas station, and when he’s about to sleep, the headlights of his card lit up so he woke up surprised; and freaked out. I joked him before he left-‘Di mo ba isasama si Nanay?(“Won’t you bring grandmother with you?) I guess he did.

It was rather a relaxing wake since I was able to take a rest from work (not from my health though; my allergic rhinitis won’t leave). I also visited Sheenah and her new baby Danah. It was rather a heartwarming moment when I saw her and the baby. My gosh, we were high school back then, we were THE couple of the batch, and now, I’m gay and she has her baby! Her sister came and I told her I’ll be meeting her crush; my straight multi talented college bestfriend who now works as a choir master at a couple of schools and a review center in our region. However,, since he's from another planet, he don't know how to reach Sheenah's place. So we ended up meeting somewhere near UPLB campus. We then ate dinner at a local diner. That’s what I miss here, local diners, restaurants and catching up with good friends.
Meanwhile, husband gave his time to rush after work to visit me/grandma at home. Even if he has trouble of death topics, I’m still thankful he went there. He talked to my sister who shared with him ghostly stories, what a bonding moment. Around 5pm I kicked him out since he still have work that night.

The week that came after, was a breather, my bestfriend and I (which we fondly call each other- Baluga), met since I want him to read the Threesome book. He’s more of a reader than a blogger, and even if he wants to, I don’t think he has the time. It was also nice when he visited grandmother wake and that’s the time I was really laughing, you see, this best friend of mine was already working during college to support his siblings, and when the time of need came; he stopped going to school and went off to work for his siblings full time. His younger sister already graduated and younger brother is on his way to graduation; and he hasn’t finished his school yet, lacking 24 units more or less. Since my family knows him, that’s where my mom came in. When he arrived, mom already gave the (jokingly)upset look, she's upset that he still hasen’t finished his school. I keep on pushing him to finish his school too. That’s what I hate/love about him. He cares for others so much, too much, that he’s being too selfless to the point of being too much. Anyway, we ate our way to Kenny Rogers, and ate our afternoon at Timezone.

Last week, we decided to eat somewhere special. We went to Burgoo to eat our hearts out, and also talked about buying additional “hardware” for our home. We decided to buy ref and electric stove last weekend. Blame it to Gourdoo’s buy one take one pan as well. We went window shopping last Saturday and watched Step Up3. It was indeed a nice movie! Well at least for me who can’t dance. Then come Sunday, due to lack of time, we attended the mass at Megamall for a change (and convenience as well), and it was nice. I still like MCC best and with runners up Greenbelt Chapel (as long as it is not on a Sunday) and Don Bosco church. After the mass, we got our haircut done, and we have another salon to cross out from our list. Too bad we weren’t able to take pictures of our new hairdo. The haircut was fine, but the service is ugh… Memo to us: STAY WITH FIX.


  1. prayers to your lola and your family.
    am sure she's very proud of you.

  2. After all, I hope it was a stress-less or a stress-free wake. Your lola is in a better place now. And because of your love, I bet she had a better life compared to other lolas. :)

  3. Oh my! Thanks Mark for dedicating a part of your post for Danah and me :) The part when you said we were the couple of the batch and how we chose to live our own lives is touchingly funny! Ang twisted no? Here we are, laughing and being totally cool with it. Thanks a lot.

    Can't say thank you enough for everything...

  4. @red the mod, thanks! yeah, welcome back for me!

    @Desole Boy, thanks. if she only knew I'm gay, I think she'll be more proud... heheheeh

    @Felipe, Thanks. Yeah, it was a vacation I was waiting for from being burnt out from Work. 4 day leave! Hehehe..

    @Sheenah, of course!? Pwede bang mawala kayo sa post ko!? Hhehehe.. It was special because of you and Danah! buti lang talga di kayo nagkasabay ng lola ko.hehehe.. Love love!

  5. Psychologists call it anticipatory grief. It occurs when you know in advance that your loved one is going to die.

    I guess we start getting ready psychologically, oftentimes unconsciously, and begin the grieving process.


    p.s. 15 years of being roommates is a long time.

  6. @Rajsh, hahaha!! yun na lang...

    @Kane, thanks for sharing those.. yeah, i already grieved about that... when she forgot my name, when she got bed ridden...

    and yes, we've been roomates that long.

  7. @colorblind, thanks,

    @edward, oh my, sorry for your loss... i hope you do know she's now your angel...