Tuesday, August 31, 2010
my story for theorg-y on Coming Out
I only got the courage to come out during my college days after I transferred from UP Los Baños to Lyceum Institute of Technology, then, now known as Lyceum of the Philippines-Laguna. After spending my time and experiencing academic freedom (from UPLB), it taught me almost everything, and I mean ALMOST EVERYTHING.
That’s when (and where) I learned to come out. It started when my lesbian classmate during college in LPL when she came out during our 3rd year. Since we’re only 12; the pioneer batch of our course, we were closer than the other courses and other BIATCH, I mean batch. Anyway, she said this will “prevent” further gossips, “Eh di wala na silang pagchichismisan, dahil alam na nila.” (Then they can’t create rumors or gossips anymore since they already know.”) That made all the sense in the world, thus, making me come out not just to them, to all the teachers, admin staff, but to other “other” students as well (I was an irregular student, so I get to sit in classes with other courses as well (these classes were block sections; they’re your classmates until the end; err.. I mean until you graduate)). That’s where I felt the respect I want as a gay student, not afraid of being bullied and getting those hi’s and hello’s without the fear of gossips behind my back. (As if I care?!)
One of those memorable coming out moments was with my GAWAD family. It was rather harder to come out to them since these people are coming from all over the corners of Laguna; from Paete, Pakil to Rizal, Fami, Nagcarlan, Liliw, Calauan, Los Banos, to San Pedro and Binan. I can still remember of giving them hints(eseses) by bringing pictures of 2005 Cosmo Batchelor Bash, and such gay things, I was already giving lots of hints actually, but since I was “that” manly, and they’re not that judgmental; they just shrugged it off. Come 2006 when I was fully pledged part of their org; I was part of their theatre and already got closer to them. That’s when I showed them my ex-gf’s picture and my (then) boyfriend’s picture. They were really giggling about it that they can’t believe I was one. Little did they know, I dated(and did) one of the old members. It was then, they loved me more. Every year, a new batch comes in and I have to think of new ways of coming out. Haha!
When I started working here in Makati, I‘ve never thought being gay is normal, like normal NORMAL. When I was in training, we were asked to introduce ourselves and showcase your talent crap and all. We were 3 straight guys, 3 straight gays and all straight girls. That’s the time where I felt respect, acceptance and happiness with what I am, and who I was. I never felt more comfortable knowing that these people know I’m gay and loves me for it, and the funny part, since I was the probinsyano boy in the metro, who looks like I just escaped fashion prison, they REALLY didn’t believe I was gay until the 2nd week of our training. GOSH!
…and the Coming out party
“Okay, I’ll treat you guys as long as you’ll promise that you’ll tell them about that.” This was my cousin’s proposal when she “confronted” me(via YM) that when she gets back here in the Philippines (she’s in the US), I’ll tell my brother, sister, and cousins(mother side); that I’m gay. DEAL! Her family was one of my closest; they’ve supported my endeavors and dreams and I’ve grown with them spiritually too, that’s why I love them so much. At a resto in Greenbelt, she treated us all, and when we finished our meals, after paying the bill, she initiated the conversation; “What did you tell mom (my aunt) “if its confirmed”?” I was getting red, and just told them; “…that I’m gay.” My brother’s girlfriend was semi-surprised because she(everyone already have an idea, duh?!) heard it straight from ME. It was then the topic that night and which included setting rules; no gowns, or cross dressing (which I’m really not comfortable doing), all and that. I told them I’m not yet ready to tell mom and dad, and too bad sister was not there, since she was my closest sibling. I was more at peace, since brother(whom I wasn’t close to begin with and I had a fight with him since I was 18) told me that he already knew a couple of years, and it was okay with it. It was another thorn removed from my heart knowing that my family, real family knows who I am.
With gay men having some identity crisis; I encourage them to come out. I get to have those raised eyebrows from them, thinking who am I to tell them what to do, and its okay, I understand them; especially since I’m not “them.” However, I enlighten them with what’s with coming out.
Other than my life story, this was true with my ex-bf and husband. I’m not sure if it was me who pushed them or encouraged them to come out, but it was a revelation for both of them and their parents as well. My ex, Euan, who came out to his parents now has a better relationship with them, while husband came out to his mom a couple of years back, and we can now sleep on his room, with open doors, and just last weekend, Tita woke us up to get ready for breakfast; while husband is hugging me.
One of my friend who didn’t came out, is now having a hard time coping with gossips at work. He didn’t came out the first time, and since then, until now, he’s still having a hard time coping with these; at work. “Sana sinabi ko na dati pa, para di nako nahihirapan ngayon.” (I hope I could’ve told them earlier so I’m not having a hard time dealing with them now. )
The not-so-perfect world
When I was in the middle of my identity crisis, I still have, and up to now, still regretted not telling my straight high school best friend. We were both in college, but still maintained our communication through phone every now and then. There was one time “that” topic was opened up, I don’t know why I was afraid to tell him so I denied it. During my junior and senior year, majority of our highschool batch already knew about me, because my ex girlfriend turned bestfriend helped me out to come out to our closest friends, and since that’s one big news, it spread throughout the school. Just a couple of months ago, I saw him on facebook, and since it was a couple account with me and husband, of course, by that point in time he already have an idea. I tried asking him for us to talk, but he don’t want to anymore; “para ‘san?”(what for?) He asked. It still bothers me, but I need to keep my composure. So guys don’t let that one chance pass, tell them; if they accepted you, they’re a true friend and if not, baka bekcy din sila! (They might be gay as well!) Joke! And so I thought, my ex girlfriend and her family, and her husband, and my friends LOVE me, that’s what keeps that small dark cube of sadness on the corner of my heart.
God gave you life, God gave you choices, I chose to be like this because I’m happy and I’m making others happy. It depends on your family background, your group of friends , beliefs, etc. Someone I know was actually sent off when he came out. There are a couple of gay guys whose situation calls for to be closet, and all I can say is pray. It’s hard to be in the closet; almost everyone went through that, and from what I know, and experienced, your FAITH and prayer can help.
For those whose situations are much lighter, come on, COME OUT! You’re missing a lot of things. Society are now getting more and more open about same sex, and religion is not an issue anymore, that’s why I love about MCCph. they introduced me to gay issues in the bible, and just like the revalations in the book of judas, I love the revalation of st sergius and bachus, and st felicity and perpetua. So from here, I already have something to bag me up that not everything in the bible is anti-gay. We already have our saints, they’re here for us.
It will still come down to your choice. Whether to come out or not, find reasons not to and find reasons to, finding yourself or finding your identity, it will end up to whether you want to come out or not. All I can say is life is gay, and so am I.