Friday, November 26, 2010

Pain < Love or Pain > Love ?

Apollo and Paul entered a certain boutique inside the mall. It was an ordinary day for the two. Paul was more eccentric that Apollo so he went straight to what seems to be a cool jacket with lots of zippers in front and a hood. “I don’t see the point of these zippers.” Paul said. Apollo, for some unknown reason replied “That’s what you want right? Pointless eccentric designs just like the polo you bought last time? (One with the button until near the shoulders like a chef ‘s uniform) “Ang yabang nito.” The smile on Pauls’ face disappeared. They went outside the store . When they arrived, they were walking together, Paul now walks like a zombie, trying hard to keep his feelings to himself. Apollo noticed this and asked him what’s wrong, Paul was just silent. He don’ want to talk yet, as he might say something bad again. They reached the other side of the mall near the salon line and they stopped. Apollo once again asked Paul, and he gave in. “The reason why I’m not talking is I might say something pointless again.” He said that in his calmest tone he can. “It wasn’t you that I was referring to, it was the jacket!? What’s happening to you?! Just because of what I said, you’re gonna be like that!” Paul was just silent, Apollo’s voice was raising more and more. Paul then said, “Sorry,” which Apollo thought sounded sarcastic, but Paul was trying to remind Apollo that he should be asking for an apology since he hurt his feelings. “You’re saying sorry and you don’t mean it!? What’s the point?!” Paul felt like a target in a firing range, bullet by bullet he kept on receiving everything and trying not to feel the pain; it hurts so much but he kept the pain to himself, not wanting to burst and get into an argument.


More silence.

“I’ll have my haircut…”

Apollo left and Paul was there, leaning in the railings. First step, second step, third step, he was waiting for Apollo to look back, fourth step, fifth step, still no sign of hesitance. Apollo reached for the door, maybe this time, he’ll look back. No. He entered.

He stood there, waiting, maybe he’ll go out again and wave to me to go.


Paul tried to smile, he did! However, he’s dead inside. It was just in a zombie movie, where a zombie was smiling.

He left.

Time can heal wounds, but the memory is there forever. The pain will go away, but it’ll forever be in your mind. The longer you’re together, the more love you build up, but what happens when your love for each other grows more and more and how great your love is, corresponds to the pain you feel when you’re hurt? Is it worth the pain? If your love is as big as a mountain, overwhelming, wonderful and beautiful… What will you do if that’s also how great the pain you will feel when the time comes? Can you stand the overpowering, vast and tremendous pain it’ll put you through?

Sometimes it takes just one word to overcome that tremendous pain, however, it hurts more that some people doesn't seem to notice that they're already hurting the person who loves them the most.


  1. i dare not quantify though i'm used to quantitative analysis thanks to oc-ness of chem lab. heehee.
    so i will just qualify that there is corresponding pain that comes with love. it's just that when one focuses on being in-love than being in-pain or the other way around that makes the difference.

  2. Dude, on first impression it seems that both of you guys are amazingly insecure of the littlest of things. Here's hoping that you both make it and look back at this post and laugh it off as a silly episode. I hate it when guys clam up. Just tell me what's bothering you nicely and I'll say sorry if I was wrong. Because I'm your boy and trust me, I would never do anything intentionally to hurt you. If you actually feel that I'm doing it on purpose then it's probably best for you to get rid of me. Because it means I've failed my part of the relationship.

  3. @Paci, thanks for that enlightenment.


    @Jedd, thanks, and yeah, we just laughed it of just today; LITERALLY. Thanks for that comment.